The Government, for some, hell on earth. Spying liars out to get you and crush you like a tiny innocent bug. For others, guardians of peace. Save the world and humanity (from no one but themselves). Here’s a really cool story – Both are wrong. But as with all stories, there’s a twist, they’re all correct.
My topic which I have so happily decided to take upon myself will boil the blood of both parties. Should the government control what we consume? Are you ready?
Let the floodgates open.
The anti-government believers will gladly use the clichéd argument of “big brother is watching” and tell you they should stop controlling our lives. The polar opposites, anti-anti-government lawnmowers will, without a doubt, mow those who oppose them. “It’s for the better” they say, “Salt causes cancer” they say.
Salt does not cause cancer. Big brother does not watch. But both have valid points. Those on the fence, the very same one saving them from this disaster of a massacre, will agree with me that the government should step down on the ‘Control our minds’ department, and let us consume what we want, when we want, to a point. The controls they set are for the better, obesity is caused by the definition of humanity in the modern age – mindless, self-centred idiots falling for the craziest of things. Anyone who can think for themselves are considered Einsteins and godly figures. Over-consumption of fat & sugar causes obesity. Salt can cause dehydration, death if not fixed.
But if you think all is done and sorted, you’re dead wrong. All I did is feed the beast. Let the battle continue.
This time round, however, the Romeo’s attack, defending Juliet – the government – to the bitter end. “People are too lazy to help themselves, people are too lazy to even feed themselves” they’ll argue. That is true, the most truth they’ve spoken ever, yet far from it. Now come the romans, eager to spill blood. “If they’re “too lazy” to feed themselves, how come obesity exists, how is Britain having an “obesity crisis” if they are, as you say, “too lazy”. A Fair point.
People are too lazy, not to eat, but to look at what they eat. Yes, this is causing an obesity crisis, but many, oh I mean MANY, are average weight. They need some barrier to make them think “I shouldn’t eat that, I should eat something healthier” or even eat less overall. Not the barriers where everyone is forced to slim, even the slim. Soon Britain will end up full of skeletons, how scary would that be, one morning you wake up and out of nowhere a pure white skeleton greets you with breakfast. You’d be out that house before you could even think to run.
However, were not done yet, so don’t pack your bags, as were skipping to the next topic and is it going to be a show!
Smoking. The most expensive hobby to date, with over a quarter of adults smoking, and a big 3 percent chunk being under 16[1]. On the outside, it’s nothing you want to be near, little white sticks of cancer that cost an arm and a leg just to kill you later on. So what’s the appeal?
“Anti-Stress, Anti-depressant, the list can go on. While it causes cancer in the long run it does help if not abused like it is by many. It’s been proven to stop suicide” Our favourites say, going from pro-government to pro-humanity almost as fast as Brexit happened. But no need to worry, Theresa May’s views on the people of earth will be revealed with the very people who hate her. “It’s no longer worth it. Back when it became the craze the government wanted to ban it. Now they’ve seen the goldmine and taxed it to mars and back.” If anything crazy has happened it’s the fact that I agree with the last statement.
There used to be 10 packs, and the tax on them was normal. 20 packs had extra fees [2] laid on top. So, how do you get more money and look like you care? Ban the 10, make 20 the only option. Classic. With that out of the way, let’s visit a good old friend of mine, one that is as old as the book yet as fresh as the lies we’ve been spoon-fed.
And it is Alcohol. An Americans only option, other than 20 foot burgers, and the world’s most common way to earn a few days in the box. It can be as dark as the night, or as light as water, whatever your taste is, there’s one thing for sure – you’re getting drunk. Drunk out of your mind. “It’s stupid, it’s unreal, and you shouldn’t do it.” They said again, trying to defend anything they see fit without thinking twice. But on the other side, “It’s a good way to have fun”, and if killing yourself and pickling your brain is “fun” then by all means go for it, live by the bottle. But for the few that have a brain and not rocks from the shore, it’s no fun. Maybe a drink or two once every 6 months, yes, but not a regular activity.
Now that I have started running out of words to say I shall begin to end this war. If you have gotten to here reading every single word, I applaud you. You are now ready to survive the impossible. If you never made it this far without looking on Facebook every 2 minutes just know this: Some people hate the governments ways, some people like their ways, everyone hates Theresa May. The government won’t stop until its belly is full of pound coins, and even then it will continue.
To sum up everything, Obesity is a growing problem in the UK, Smoking is the government’s go-to for stealing your money and Alcohol is a good way to end up in jail.
Thank you for reading this, and goodbye.
Notes:
1 ^ http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/health-professional/cancer-statistics/risk - Cancer Research UK Cancer Statistics Page (Retrieved: 21/06/2017)
2 ^ https://www.gov.uk/tax-on-shopping/alcohol-tobacco - Government Tobacco and Alcohol Tax Rates (Retrieved: 21/06/17)
Editors Note: This article was originally written as an essay in 2017 by the author, Arek Kwapis
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